Twilight Gone Wild
by paulinatheweena
Summary: Twilight characters express their true feelings. Humor. Rated T for language!
1. Lunch

**Okay so all my stories are kinda sad or drama filled or romance things and so I just wanted to do something funny.**

**This doesn't really take place in certain books but it's just very random.**

**There's a few curse words in here-just a warning.**

**I don't have anything against Twilight…trust me.**

**Disclaimer-blah blah-don't own twilight.**

Lunch.

Bella- So Edward, can I meet your family?

Edward-Whatever gets you to shutup. Alice get over here.

Alice-What do you want.

Edward-I hate you and your damn visions!

Alice-Damnit Edward! You're so friggen annoying when you spaz on me!

Edward-This is Bella. She's the girl you saw me killing.

Alice-Ew her hair's frizzy.

Bella-I'm still here.

Alice-She speaks!

Edward-Bella, what'd I say about talking? Now Jaspers gonna want to eat you.

Bella-Crap. (Does Reba impression.)

Edward-I hate it when you imitate that talentless redhead.

Bella-That's my favorite show!

Edward-I wouldn't know I don't own a television or anything human-like.

Alice-Why am I here again?

Edward-To meet Bella damnit!

Alice-Oh, right.

Bella-What's up with your hair man.

Alice-ITS NOT MY FAULT I WAS IN AN ASYLUM. –pulls out hair-

Edward-What a psycho bitch.

**A/N-yes I warned you about language.**

**I literally made this up as I was typing.**

**I'm just really bored**

**More to come! Maybe in the next hour or tomorrow-depending on my mood and considering im in the process of 3 stories.**

**YAY FOR TRIPLETASKING!**


	2. Bella's Bedroom

**So here they are in Bella's bedroom.  
Talking about things.**

**Very Random.**

--

**Bella's bedroom.**

Bella-Oh Edward you're so hot.

Edward-Is that the only reason you like me?

Bella-No of course not.

Edward-Yes it is Bella. I saw it in your mind.

Bella-I thought you couldn't read my mind…

Edward-Oh shit. I mean uh no I can't.

Bella's thoughts- Peanut butter…

Edward-Jelly time!

Bella-Ah hah! You CAN read my thoughts!

Edward-Yea…dirty thoughts…you're disgusting. I would never do that stuff with you!

Bella-Not even once…

Edward-No.

Bella's thoughts-Please?

Edward-NO

Bella-Jeez fine. You're so moody. It's like your PMSing

Edward-Are you calling me fat?

Bella-No.

Charlie-Bella get down here so I can blame you for your mother leaving me.

Bella-Be right there!

--

**A/N-Yes you can tell I'm bored.**

**Gonna make another one now**

**These are very short…they'll eventually get longer when I'm more awake.**


	3. Jacob's house

Lalalala

**Jacob's house**

Bella-Hey pup.

Jacob-That's only funny when Edward says it.

Bella-Stay! Bad doggie!

Jacob-What the hell's your problem.

Bella-Roll over!

Jacob-I'm not a dog dumbass did you hear ANYTHING Aro said in the 4th book?

Bella-Oh ok.

……….

Bella-Fetch! –throws piece of random meat she had in her hands and watches Jake go after it-

Edward-Did Jacob rape you yet?

Bella-Where the hell did you come from? I was about to cheat on you then come home and blame it on the dog.

Edward-Oh in that case. –disappears-

Bella-What a freak.

Jacob-Does this mean you're over him?  
Bella-Yes let's make puppies.

Jacob-We can't cuz you're a vampire now.

Bella-Oh yeah. By the way…didn't you imprint on my daughter, Renaissance.

Jacob-It's Renesmee.

Bella-Whatever…who the hell gave her that stupid name anyway.

Jacob-You did.

Bella-I was drugged! What do you expect?

Jacob-To answer your question-yes I did imprint on…shit I forgot her name again.

Bella-Renaling.

Jacob-Oh right. So yea…I don't like you anymore.

Bella-Yes you do. I saw it in your thoughts.

Jacob-Shit me and my horny mind.

Bella-Actually I can't read minds but you're too stupid to figure that out. Now I know that you want me…

Jacob-Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Bella-Hell no.

Jacob-I was talking about having sex.

Bella-Oh ok…just checking.


	4. Biology class

**Reviews please**

**Did I forget to mention that?**

**More reviews the funnier it gets**

**That's not a threat I SWEAR**

**Haha**

**Ok then**

**Back to the story…**

**Biology class-**

Mike-Can I sit next to you Bella?

Bella-No Mike, my boyfriend is sitting next to me.

Mike-Yea he's hot.

Bella-What the hell. Get away from me you fag.

Mike-STOP CALLING ME FAT! –runs in the girls bathroom and cries-

Edward-What a fruit.

Bella-What kind of fruit?

Edward-Kiwi.

Teacher-Stop talking back there.

Edward-Shutup or I'll snap your neck.

Teacher-YOU WANNA TAKE THIS OUTSIDE?

-Edward kills teacher than sucks his blood. He then casually walks back to his seat.-

Edward-No one saw that.

Bella-Damn Edward. That's the fourth sub this week! How the hell do you expect me to learn science?

Edward-Shutup before you're next.

Jessica-I'm going to rape Mike.

Bella-Wear protection!

Edward-That reminds me…Why did you smell like dog last night?

Bella-What are you talking about.

Edward-Whore.

Bella-Freak.

--

**A/N-the next time I get a review is when I'm putting up the next chapter**

**bwhahahaha**


	5. The Cullen House

**Ok I got a review so I must go by my word and continue**

**Omg that rhymed**

**Damn I'm good**

**Thanks to chi Cullen by the way**

**The Cullen House-**

Bella-Where the hell's my daughter.

Renesmee-Right here mommy!

Bella-Shit, you got ugly.

-Renesmee grows into a matured teenager-

Renesmee-You were always such a bitch to me!

Bella-YOU'RE GONNA REGRET THAT WHEN IM CHANGIN YOUR DEPENDS NEXT WEEK.

Renesmee-Whatever…I'm goin out for a drink with Jacob.

Bella- Are you old enough to have sex with him?

Renesmee-Uhh…too late.

Bella-When did this happen?

Renesmee-Well…he said I looked cute in my church dress…so yea

Bella-I said WHEN bitch…damn at what age do you turn smart?

Renesmee-I'm smarter then you'll EVER be.

Bella-Where's your other mother

Rosalie-Right here.

Renesmee-Why don't you take care of me anymore?

Rosalie-Didn't you hear your mother. You're ugly! I only like cute babies.

Renesmee-THIS IS WHY I CUT MY WRISTS!

Bella-I'm going in my cabin to have sex with Edward nonstop…does anyone need anything before I leave?

Carlisle-Can I come?

Bella-Ew.

Carlisle-It's just that Esme is no good anymore. She's like THREE years older than me…even though we told you it doesn't make a difference…it REALLY does.

Bella-Holy shit. I just realized Renesme has Esme in it.

Carlisle-Is that a yes?

Bella-Hell no! Go rape one of your patients.

Carlisle-They're no good…they squirm too much…I wonder why…

Edward-You guys are so retarded.

Bella-Screw you Edward!

Edward-Okay, come on…

-runs to their cabin-

Carlisle-Renesmee…

Renesmee-PISS OFF PERV!

--

**A/N-Yeaa only got like 2 reviews**

**not bad but more please**

**then I'll put up next chapter**

**do it fast before I decide to sleep!**


	6. In the clearing

**Okay thanks Chi just fixed the Renesmee thing I knew something was wrong!**

**I have terrible spelling**

**THE SHOW MUST GO ON**

**In the clearing**

Aro-Where's the demand child?

Edward-Oh dearest Aro, allow me to explain how-

Aro-Why the hell are you talking like that? Just cuz were like 3 century's old doesn't mean you can't talk like its TWO THOUSAND AND EIGHT. So wassup?

Carlisle-Just Chillen…the usual...partyin every night

Edward-You mean watching porn every night you sick bastard.

Carlisle-Don't talk to me like that! I'm your father damnit!

Alice-I'm baackkk –freezes and has a vision- shit I came to early…

Edward-Crap we're all gonna die. Wait Bella's doing that invisible shield thing that no one's suppose to know about.

Bella-You dumbass!

Aro-Damn…just because you guys are so stupid we won't kill you. Peace homies.

Carlisle-Later alligator.

Aro-What the hell. –kills Carlisle-

Renesmee-Finally...

--

**A/N-Ok this one is short**

**But it's late**

**And I'm goin to sleep!**

**I'll have a lot more up tomorrow**

**Later alligators haha**


	7. At Mike's house

**Yay thanks for the reviews!**

**Lalalala**

**At Mike's House-**

Bella-How the hell did I get here?

Jessica-Shit I got the wrong person

Bella-Ew. Is this why you couldn't go to the movies with me today?

Jessica-Yes.

Bella-Sweet. Guess what

Jessica-Chicken But!

Bella-What the hell are you talking about? I was gonna tell you I'm a vampire. –kills Jessica-

Bella-Damn, she was getting on my nerves

Jessica's ghost-Who was?

Bella-DIE!

Mike-Hey Bella did you come over here to finally change your mind.

Bella-No…Jessica was gonna rape you but she accidently got me and now I killed her.

Mike-Cool…wanna go to the movies?

Bella-No.

Jessica's ghost-Kill him so we can do it.

Bella-By the way I'm a vampire.

Mike-Ok.

Bella-DAMN how desperate ARE you?

-kills Mike-

Mike's ghost-Oh hey Jessica

Jessica's ghost-Now I can rape you!

Mike's ghost-What the hell.

--

**A/N-Okay not as funny but I'm gonna post another one in like 10 minutes…**


	8. On the set of the Twilight Movie

**Okay I'm also working on my story-Broken…I don't think it's too bad hehe anywayyyy**

**And this part never happened in the book but I thought it would be funny for the Characters to see who plays each other in the Twilight movie**

**On the set of the Twilight movie-**

Edward-Ew. Why is Robert Pattinson playing me? I'm so much hotter.

Bella-Why are YOU complaining? I have KRISTEN STEWART. She like…never shuts her mouth. What a dumbass.

Edward-She's actually kinda hot.

Bella-So is Rob.

Edward-Yea right. His eyebrows are hairier than my-

Robert Pattinson-You better hold on tight spider monkey.

Edward-What the hell? I never said that! What's a spider monkey anyway?

Robert-(in English accent) I don't know. They just gave me the bloody part.

Edward-you're ENGLISH TOO?

Bella-Wow…that's even hotter.

Kristen-Back off you skinny bitch…he's mine.

Robert-(in American accent) what the hell are you talking about. Can't you see on the set that I don't really like you? Damn Bella's right…you ARE a dumbass.

Edward-Yea she actually kind of is.

Kristen-NOBODY WANTS ME.

Carlisle-I want you.

Bella-What the hell…you're supposed to be dead.

-kills Carlisle again-

Jacob-So who's playing me?

Edward-Taylor Swift.

Jacob-Isn't that a girl?

Edward-Shit they got the wrong person…at least she has the hair.

Jacob-True.

Taylor-(On the set with Kristen Stewart) Oh Bella, you're the reason for the teardrops on my guitar.

Kristen-Will you stop that! It's creepin me out.

Taylor-Yo bitch it's not my fault they got the wrong person. I'm supposed to be singing for the ten fans that I have in like five minutes!

Kristen-(On the set with Robert Pattinson)Your skin is ice cold. You run really fast and stuff.

Robert-Crap I just noticed that I don't get laid until the FOURTH book. Screw this. I quit.

--

**A/N-Don't know when the next chapters gonna be out by. Workin on Broken though.**

**Later peeps!**

**Btw the more reviews I get the faster I post...**


	9. In the ballet studio with James

**Ok just bored now…**

**In the ballet studio with James-**

James-I can't believe you actually came.

Bella-But you have my teddy bear

James-No I have your mother.

Bella-Crap. Why the hell am I wasting my time then?

James-Ok let's just wait until Edward gets close by and I can pretend to kill you.

Bella-Kay. So what's new? Aren't you with that Victoria chick?

James-Hell no. I hate redheads. I actually prefer brunettes…

Bella-Don't even think about it, perv.

James-Eh it was worth a shot.

Edward-Stop trying to kill…the teddy bear!

James-Whats up with you guys and the teddy bear.

Bella-It's a really cute teddy bear.

James-Oh.

Bella-GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT?

James-You guys are freaks! I'm out.

Bella-That was boring.

Mike-Yea let's go to the movies.

Bella-GIVE UP.

Michael Jackson-Hey there. We should go to the movies together since we both have the same name.

Mike-Oh ok.

-Mike goes to the movies with Michael-

Edward-Soo…is this where I suck your venom out?

Bella-No I wanna be a vampire!

Edward-Hell no!

Bella-Why not?

Edward-Uh cuz I care about you and something else that I lied about

Bella-Okay…

Edward-Yea…

-Mike Myers comes and does awkward turtle-

Edward-I'm leaving you.

Bella-I'm pregnant.

Edward-No you're not! You're just saying that so I stay with you.

Bella-Damn you're good.

--

**A/N-Thanks for the reviews**

**please continue**

**they'll get funnier**

**and if you have a place or a part in mind you want me to recreate feel free to message me!**


	10. Fire and Ice

**Haha thanks chi!**

**And great idea!**

**Fire and Ice-**

Edward-Get your hands off her. I'm jealous

Jacob-Wait…are you jealous?

Edward-That's what I just said dumbass

Jacob-Let me read your mind.

Edward-Hell no.

Jacob-Let's be friends.

Edward-Let's be more than friends.

Jacob-What the hell.

Edward-I mean…

Jacob-So yea I bet you're diggin my spot right now.

Edward-If I were in your spot it would probably be in my 'top ten worst nights'

Jacob-Does that mean you had sex with her?

Edward-In her DREAMS. I keep telling her it's so I won't hurt her but its just cuz she's inexperienced and annoying.

Jacob-Yea true I prefer Rosalie. She looks like a MAJOR whore.

Edward-Trust me…I know.

Bella-I'm still awake.

Edward-No you're not. This is a dream. –hits Bella over the head with frozen jacket-

Taylor Swift-Our song is a slamming screen door…

Edward-THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE.

Taylor-Dude…you didn't even let me finish!

Jacob-You sound like the guy from Rascal Flatts

Taylor-The hot one?

Jacob-No the fat one.

-Taylor runs out and starts doing laps around the tent-

Seth-Yay dinner!

-eats Taylor Swift-

Jacob-shit who's gonna play my part now in the movie that's gonna suck anyway so it won't matter?

Taylor Hicks-I will!

Bella-Holy shit...I thought you were dead.

Taylor-No...I'm uh twenty seven...

Bella-Creep.

Taylor-Whore.

Edward-Whore...hey wait...it's only okay when I say that.

-kills Taylor Hicks-

Victoria-Yo I'm here.

Edward-FINALLY what the hell was takin you so long? Bella has been gettin on my NERVES today...seriously...

Victoria-Why am I here again?

Edward-To kill Bella.

Victoria-Oh right.

-tries to kill Bella-

Edward-What the hell do you think you're doing?

Victoria-Dude you just told me to kill Bella.

Edward-No I said you're supposed to kill Bella...damn I thought vampires were smarter than this.

Victoria-SHIT you guys are annoying...I'll be back in the fourth book.

Edward-No! I'll be too busy gettin laid!

--

**A/N-Gotta go to my cousins house…I may add on to this after I come back**

**p.s. I called him Taylor Hicks once too**

back from my cousins house

sorry I didn't write afterwards I had to go to work gahh

anyway thanks for the reviews! and yes if you do have anymore places or situations in mind just tell me!


	11. Bella's pregnancy

**Thanks everyone!**

**And remember if you have any suggestions just say them im pretty sure I can work from there**

**Lalalala**

**I know I put Renesmee before in here but I skip around a lot…**

**Bella's pregnancy-**

Bella-I HATE THIS DEMON CHILD!

Edward-We offered to take it out of you like THIRTY SEVEN TIMES.

Bella-DID YOU NOT HEAR WHAT I SAID? I LOVE THIS BABY.

Edward-I HATE IT WHEN YOU GET BI POLAR ON ME!

Rosalie-Get away before she changes her mind…don't worry you can kill her once the baby's out.

Edward-Fine.

-Jacob enters the room-

Jacob-WHAT THE HELL DID YOU EAT?

Bella-I'm pregnant you dumbass.

Jacob-Oh good I thought you just got fat.

Edward-Jake, come outside with me.

Jacob-Are you gonna rape me?

Edward-Do you want me to…

Jacob-No.

-Jacob and Edward go outside…holding hands…haha okay they don't hold hands-

Jacob-What do you want fagget?

Edward-I need you to have sex with Bella.

Jacob-Why?

Edward-I DON'T KNOW. That dumbass Stephenie Meyer told me to say it. **(A/N-nothing against her)**

Jacob-Fine…damn stop PMSing.

Edward-STOP CALLING ME FAT.

Mike-I don't think you're fat…

Edward-Didn't you get kidnapped by Michael Jackson?

Mike-I escaped.

Edward-How?

Mike-He threw me off a balcony…

Edward-So that was YOU.

Mike-YEA YOU GOT A PROBLEM?

-Edward kills Mike for the second time-

Jacob-Let's go back inside. I can hear Leah's thoughts and I'm SICK of seeing Sam naked…damn who knew girls were so horny.

Edward-I do.

-they go back inside-

Jacob-PISS OFF BLONDIE I NEED TO TRY AND RAPE BELLA.

Rosalie-Damn…fine.

-Rosalie and everyone else leave-

Jacob-Soo what do ya say bella?

Bella-HELL NO. I'VE BEEN FAT FOR NINE MONTHS AND I WILL LOVE THIS CHILD OR SO HELP ME GOD.

Jacob-You've only been pregnant for three weeks…

Bella-Shit…what the hell am I drinking…miracle grow?

Rosalie-Who told you…

Edward-You dumbass she didn't know…NOW SHE'S GONNA HAVE TO LIVE.

Bella-DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL.

--

**A/N-So yea as you can see…I need ideas!**

**Please review it might help me think funnier-yes that is possible…**


	12. The Wedding

**Thank you all!**

**NEXT**

**The Wedding-**

Alice-Put this dress on while I try to make you look pretty.

Rosalie-HAHA like that's possible.

Charlie-Let's get this over with I have a game to watch at eight.

Bella-You asshole.

Renee-I'M GOING BACK HOME TO PRETEND PHIL IS SICK SO I DON'T HAVE TO HEAR THIS SHIT.

-At the altar-

Priest-Do you, Isabella Sw-

Bella-IT'S BELLA YOU BITCH!

Priest-SCREW YOU ALL I DIDN'T EVEN GO TO CHURCH WHEN I WAS LITTLE.

-Priest leaves-

Emmett-I'll do it.

Edward-Good that makes this marriage less official.

-they get married and go to reception-

-Edward and Bella dancing-

Edward-Damn you look like shit have you SEEN yourself today?

Bella-Screw you. Where's my lap dog?

Edward-Oh since I didn't get you a real wedding gift I'm gonna pretend to give you Jacob…he's outside waiting to rape you.

Bella-FINALLY this wedding is boring as hell.

-goes outside to meet Jacob-

Bella-Yo bitch get out here.

Jacob-What the hell are you doing-getting married?

Bella-You knew about this since the third book!

Jacob-Oh yeah…why am I here again?

-Edward pops out of nowhere-

Edward-To rape Bella.

Jacob-Oh right.

Edward-Wait…I don't want you to rape her.

Jacob-Let's fight.

-Edward, Jacob, Sam, Emily, Leah, Seth, Embry, and Quil have a huge fight in the middle of the dance floor while everyone else happen to be looking in a different direction-

Bella-Not that THAT'S over with…I'm out.

--

**A/N-this one was weird ish lol**

**Stay tuned next for-The Honeymoon!**


	13. The Honeymoon

**Haha yes Edward doesn't seem to like Bella too much…I'll try to even it out in this chapter**

**The Honeymoon-**

Bella-Where the hell are you taking me?

Edward-Some island I can take you to where no one will hear your screams.

Bella-What?

Edward-Nothing.

-at the island-

Bella-This place is a shithole!

Edward-You deserve it.

Bella-I know I do. Okay let's have sex since we made a deal.

Edward-HAHA you believed me?

Bella-Yes.

Edward-Oh…in that case…

-puts bruises all over Bella's body and pretends to have sex with her while biting a pillow-

Bella-Wow you're good!

Edward-You're an idiot!

Bella-What?

Edward-Nothing.

Bella-Soo wanna do it again?

Edward-Actually I was thinking of putting you through endless activities to make you tired instead.

Bella-Sounds good.

-Edward leaves and leaves her a note as well-

_Bella,_

_I left to cheat on you for a few hours…eat the poisoness chicken I left you on the counter_

_Love,_

_Edward_

-Bella eats poisoness chicken then throws up-

Bella-OMG I'm definitely pregnant.

-Edward comes back-

Bella-I'm pregnant…look! Throw up!

Edward-HOLY CRAP you ARE pregnant!

Bella-I need to call Rosalie being the dumbass that I am.

-calls Rosalie-

Rosalie-What the hell do you want

Bella-I'm pregnant.

Rosalie-OMG BEST FRIENDS!

--

**A/N-Okay I need more ideas!**

**As in situations/places…in the meantime I'll be working on my other stories**


	14. Newborn

**Haha Chi I hope I won't be the cause of your death!**

**Thanks for the idea!**

**Newborn-Thought by Chi Cullen**

Bella's thoughts-Wow this doesn't hurt AT ALL what the hell were they talking about?

Edward-I can hear your thoughts and we just said that so you had second thoughts about becoming a vampire.

Bella's thoughts-Why?  
Edward-You think I'd want to spend infinity with YOU?

Bella's thoughts-Screw you.

Edward-Actually you never have.

Bella-You breathe a lot.

Edward-STALKER!

-Bella wakes up-

Edward-Are you thirsty?

Bella-Yea…thirsty for YOUR BOD

-they start makin out-

Carlisle-eh hem (he's not dead yet since Renesmee technically didn't come yet)

Jasper-You're such a slut!

Edward-He's just mad cuz he's the psycho and always will be.

Bella-True.

Esme-Wanna see your baby?

Rosalie-SHE'S MINE.

Bella-BACK OFF RENALING IS MINE!

Jacob-NO SHE'S MINE.

Bella-What the hell.

Edward-Let's go hunting so I can distract you from Jacob imprinting on our daughter.

-they go hunting-

Bella-Do you wanna do it now?

Edward-What? Aren't you distracted from the human that I purposely placed in the forest so you wouldn't think about sex?

Bella-No.

-they go back home-

Jacob-I don't want you anymore.

Bella-I don't want YOU anymore.

Jacob-Okay maybe just a little…

Bella-Yea I know.

Edward-Where's Renesmee?

Bella-HOLY CRAP I just noticed Renesmee has Renee in it.

Rosalie-SHE'S MINE.

Jacob-SHE'S MINE.

Bella-HE'S MINE.

Edward-It's a girl you dumbass.

Bella-What? But my dreams said it was a boy!

Edward-Wow…

Bella-Jake why do you love my demon child?

Renesmee-I'M NOT A DEMON –goes back to sucking her thumb-

Jacob-Uh…I uh…well you know how you said that I should always be in your life.

Bella-No.

Jacob-Well now I can be since I imprinted on your daughter

Bella-WHAT? IT'S A GIRL?

Edward-I think her new talent is ADD.

Jacob-I said I imprinted on your daughter.

Bella-HOLY CRAP. DID YOU IMPRINT ON MY DAUGHTER?

Jacob-Damn YOU'RE SLOW.

--

**A/N-I got the imprinting idea from kittygirl so thanks to you to!**

**Review please!**

**btw the next chapter might not be up until tomorrow because I have to work then go to my friends house**

**sorry guys!**


	15. Depression

**Hey guys!**

**Sorry I didn't post earlier today I went down the shore then to the beach**

**Btw I actually did know how to spell demon I guess was tired haha like sometimes when I wanna say late I saw later ok enough with that**

**And yea Chi the movie comes out December 12 and frankly-I'm very nervous I'm afraid it's gonna ruin the book…hopefully not lol anyway back to the story!**

**Depression-**

Edward-I'm leaving you.

Bella-Okay…

Edward-I mean for good.

Bella-Your point?

Edward-I NEVER LIKED YOU.

Bella-Freak.

-4 months later-

Bella-Holy Crap. I just noticed how depressed I am over Edward leaving me.

Jacob-Hi I'm Jacob. I'll let you use me until Edward decides to come back.

Bella-That's a weird name considering you're a girl.

Jacob-I'm not a girl…

Bella-Oh…

-Jacob cuts hair.-

Bella-Who the hell are you?

Jacob-Jacob…

Bella-Ew you look ugly with it short. Never cut it again you look better as a girl.

Jacob-Okay.

-Jacob uses magical werewolf powers and grows back his hair.

Bella-How did you do that?

Jacob-I'm a werewolf.

Bella-WHAT YOU KILL PEOPLE? GET AWAY FROM ME YOU PSYCHO.

Jacob-YOU FELL IN LOVE WITH A VAMPIRE BUT YOU CAN'T EVEN BE NEAR ME?

Bella-That's different he only kills animals…like you.

Jacob-So do I…

Bella-Really?

Jacob-Actually, I killed like 23 people already I'm just lying to you so you can like me.

Bella-Oh okay in that case.

-kisses Jacob-

-she then punches Jacob-

-…and breaks hand-

Bella-What the hell did you do that for?

Jacob-But you kissed me.

Bella-Yea I know but YOU BROKE MY HAND.

Jacob-Whatever…pathetic humans.

-Bella bends down and starts shaking erratically-

Jacob-Why do you do that?

Bella-Do what?

Jacob-Go down on the floor and start shaking…

Bella-Wow…how do you notice these things? You a little too observant…

Jacob-It's because I love you.

Bella-Really?

Jacob-Yes.

Bella-Actually, I lov-

Edward-I'm baaaaaaaaaaack!

Bella-Oh Edward!

Jacob-What were you saying Bella?

Bella-Piss off Jake!

--

**A/N-Not my best but I'll keep em comin**

**Reviews please**

**Thanks peeps!**


	16. Port Angeles

**HOLY CRAP HARRY POTTER MOVIE NOT COMING OUT TILL NEXT SUMMER**

**NEXT**

**Port Angeles-**

Jessica-Me and Angela are gonna leave you to get raped in the streets.

Bella-As long as I get my book then…Okay!

-Bella walks into deserted area with only one bookstore and mysterious silver Volvo parked next to it-

Rapist-Hi I'm you're rapist today. If you will please cooperate and remove your clothes yourself, it would make my job a lot easier.

-gives Bella freaky rapist smile-

Edward-I'm furious.

Rapist-WOAH. Calm down there killer. Go ahead, take her, she didn't have any cash anyway.

Bella-How do you know that?

Rapist-Does it look like I became a rapist yesterday?

-gives Bella another rapist smile, she then flinches-

Rapist-Thought so.

Bella-Peace…good luck with your…job.

-Bella and Edward then drive off in a car.

Edward-You're SO lucky I didn't kill him and reveal that I'm a vampire.

Bella-He seemed nice.

Edward-Yea I know that's why I didn't. (Has a lisp all of a sudden) His outfit was adorable.

-they go to restaurant-

Waitress-What the hell are you doing with this ugly bitch?

Edward-I really don't know.

Bella-I'm still here.

Edward-Get us a secluded area and some of your worst tasting food so she'll be too preoccupied with the taste to care that I'm a vampire.

Waitress-Anything you want.

-Bella eats nasty mushrooms-

Bella-This is delicious.

Edward-I'm a vampire.

Bella-Have you tasted this?

Edward-I don't eat food I drink blood.

Bella-Hmm I have to try that…is it on the menu?

Edward-I'M A FRIGGEN VAMPIRE.

Bella-I heard you the first time.

Edward-That doesn't upset you?

Bella-No…

Edward-I can read minds.

Bella-What color am I thinking of right now?

Edward-I don't know.

Bella-Wow, you suck.

Edward-No I just can't read your mind cuz you're retarded.

Bella-I WANNA BE A VAMPIRE.

Edward-HELL NO.

--

**A/N- Sorry for anyone who doesn't like this I know it would never happen-that's the point of fanfiction- but it's just for fun…now that the Twilight series is over…I'm depressed and this is just a way to make me laugh and other people…if they think its funny yea lol**

**Don't know when my next chapter is going to be put up I'm working on Misfortune because I'm getting a lot of ideas and just have to jot them down lol**

**Lataa**


	17. Author's note

**Hey everyone**

**Sorry for anyone who's been keeping up with Twilight gone Wild but I haven't gotten around much to writing…my boss is making me work like overtime.**

**But I'm prettyyy sure that I'll have a new chapter up by tomorrow…btw keep the ideas comin! It really helps!**

**Thanks**

**Love ya!**


	18. First Day

**Hey guys**

**I'm baaaaack**

**Thanks for the reviews!**

**I really appreciate them.**

**Ok back to business**

**I got this idea mostly from-edwardismypassion so thanks!**

**It's going way back to like the first book but I skip around a lot**

**First Day**

Bella-I hate this place.

Charlie-Don't worry I got you this piece of crap car.

Bella-Why is it so shitty?

Charlie-We couldn't afford it.

-Charlie leaves in his Porsche-

Bella-I'm gonna go cry myself to sleep.

Charlie-Don't ruin the pillows.

-first day of school-

Jessica-You're ugly. Let's be friends so I can look pretty next to you.

Random kid that walks up to Jessica-Hey did you get less ugly? **(A/N-saw that in a Family Guy episode)**

Jessica-It works!

Mike-Wow Bella, you're hot.

Bella-No I'm not.

Mike-I know but since you're new I'm gonna pretend that you are.

Bella-PISS OFF.

-at lunch-

Jessica-Edward Cullen is staring at you.

Bella-That freak!

Jessica-But he doesn't stare at anyone. I'M SO JEALOUS.

-in Biology class-**(A/N-I did a version on this but this one is her first day)**

Edward-Shit I have to sit next to you!

Bella-Got a problem with that?

Edward-Why are you talking to me? Nobody talks to me. I'm too hot for you to be talking to me.

-Bella magically makes her hair grow really long and separates herself from Edward-

Edward-Why do you do that?

Bella-Do what…

Edward-Put your hair like that.

Bella-Why do you care?

Edward-Who is your mom and what does she do?

Bella-Do you wear contacts?

Edward-You smell good.

--

**A/N-Okay I'm gonna put up the Tyler incident in a few.**

**Hope you like it**

**Reviews would be nice.**


	19. Big Blue Shiny Things

**Lalalala**

**Big Blue Shiny Things-**

Bella-Lalalala. I love my life.

-Tyler runs over Bella with his van-

-Then he backs up-

-Then he runs her over again-

-He's about to run her over a fourth time but Edward finally catches up and takes her away-

Bella-Holy Crap! How did you run that fast?

Edward-I didn't I just got you out while everyone was laughing at you.

Bella-Suree…

-at the Hospital-

-Tyler sees Bella at the hospital bed next to her-

Tyler-Damn Bella. You're not dead yet?

Bella-No Edward saved me.

Tyler-That's impossible I saw him laughing at you.

Bella-ME TOO! He must be up to something.

Tyler-Yea maybe he's a vampire.

Bella-What the hell? Why would you say that?

Tyler-Just a random guess.

-Edward comes in the room-

Bella-Edward, why did you save me?

-Carlisle comes in before Edward can speak-

Carlisle- Hi everyone. Hello Edward.

Bella-So Edward, why did you save me?

-Carlisle gives Edward the death stare-

Edward-It's all in your head.

Bella-But he ran over my arm…

Edward-Shutup!

Bella-Tyler said something really funny.

Edward-What's that?

Bella-That you're a vampire…

Edward-That IS funny.

-kills Tyler than sucks his blood-

Bella-I don't believe him though.

Carlisle-Good because we're not vampires. We're just track stars. And models. And we don't have heat in our house. And American food is disgusting so we rather drink blood. Oh and we workout. A lot.

Bella-Sounds reasonable.

Edward-Dumbass…

Bella-What?

Edward-Nothing.

--

**A/N-Kay hope you guys liked ittttt.**

**Don't know when the next one will be up-But ideas would help, Thanks!**


	20. In the meadow

**Wow**

**Thanks to everyone for reviews!**

**It's probably the most I've gotten for 2 chapters**

**And to answer some questions-**

**Yes I do like Twilight..wait that's an understatement..I'M COMPLETELY OBSSESSED WITH THE TWILIGHT SERIES**

**This is just something fun and interesting**

**And no I didn't do the meadow scene yet which I will right now.-Thank you Jewel in the Night and Chi!**

**In the Meadow-**

Bella-Ooo you're shiny!

Edward-Ooo you're SLOW.

Bella-Can I touch you?

Edward-Sure

-Bella touches Edward-

-Then he moves 20 feet away from her-

Edward-What the hell do you think you're doing?

Bella-Touching you…

Edward-Perv!

-Bella frowns-

Edward-No! You can touch me.

Bella-Yay!

Edward-Let's touch each other…

Bella-I like that idea.

-After three hours of touching each other and possibly feeling each other up…they decide they're done-

Edward-Let me carry you…I don't feel like waiting five hours for your slow ass to catch up.

-Bella climbs on his back and he runs-

Bella-I don't feel so good.

Edward-Just spin around in circles twenty times.

-Bella spins around in circle twenty times then throws up-

Edward-HAHA. I can't believe you fell for that. Works every time…

Bella-Jerk.

-Edward kisses Bella then pulls back automatically-

Bella-That was amazing. Why did you pull back?

Edward-Cuz your breath is KICKIN.

Bella-What?

Edward-I mean…you were pulling my hair to hard…

Bella-Oh…let's do it again.

Edward-No you might get sick again.

Bella-I believe you.

Edward-Wow…

Bella-So…

Edward-So…what now?

Bella-Let's have sex.

Edward-Only if you marry me.

Bella-Haha…yea sure, whatever.

--

**A/N-NEXT is when Bella and Edward tell Charlie and Renee that they're getting married.**


	21. News

**Thanks for reviews! lol**

**Well I sorta mixed in Jacob's imprinted in other chapters ms Switzerland but I will embellish if you wish**

**And now for Chi Cullen since she won't be able to access a computer tomorrow I shall write the next chapter……….now! lol**

**News-**

Bella-I'm getting married dad.

Charlie-To what?

Bella-Edward.

Charlie-Haha nice try. Go make dinner. And stop paying this Edward to pretend to be your boyfriend.

Bella-I'm not paying him dad.

Charlie-Whatever you say. Don't worry Bells. I know that you can attract guys. –coughs- _not_ -coughs again-

Edward-It's true Charlie.

Charlie-Wow, Bella. He even came to the house…how much are you paying him? I think I should get half since I'm pretending to buy your bullshit.

Bella-Screw you Charlie!

-Bella storms out-

Charlie-Make sure to invite me to your 'wedding'!-

-Bella calls Renee-

Bella-I'm getting married mom.

Renee-That won't last.

Bella-You don't even know who I'm marrying.

Renee-Oh, what are you marrying?

Bella-Edward.

Renee-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

-After laughing for about fifteen minutes, Renee finally catches her breath-

Renee-Honey, I don't have time for your games.

Bella-I'm serious.

Renee-Hmm…and you said you were a bad liar! Ha!

Bella-Screw you Renee!

--

**A/N-NEXT is I have no idea. I'm thinking of putting the scene where Jacob and Bella and Mike go to the movies. Any other ideas? **


	22. Zombies and Third Wheels

**Wow**

**Reviews-amazing**

**Thank you all soo much!**

**And for the ideas!**

**I'll definitely be doing every idea that anyone suggests**

**But now it's the movie scene**

**Zombies and Third Wheels-**

Bella-Let's go to the movies so I can make Jake jealous.

Mike-Are you using me?

Bella-Yes.

Mike-Ok. Just checking.

-at the movies-

Mike-I don't feel so good.

Jake-Pussy!

-Mike goes to throw up in the bathroom while Jake tries to feel Bella up-

Bella-Stop touching me.

Jake-Okay.

Bella-I said touch me!

Jake-What the hell.

Bella- I miss Edward. And maybe if you touch me then I'll hear him.

Jake-What the hell are you talking about.

Bella-MAKE THE VOICES JEALOUS AND TOUCH ME.

-Jake touches Bella-

Edward's voice-Stop! I'm jealous. I want Jake touching me!

Bella-No! That's not what I wanted to hear. Maybe if I jump off a cliff…

Jake-Dumbass.

-in the car-

Bella-You're hot.

Jake-I know. You're boyfriend seems to think so too.

Bella-No I mean you're like burnin up.

Jake-Burnin up?

Bella-For you baby. **(A/N-haha had to do it.)**

Jake-I think I might be turning into a werewolf.

Bella-HAHA. Like I believe in mythical creatures…

Jake-Whatever. I think Sam might be gay.

Bella-Why do you say that?

Jake-He looks at me funny.

Bella-So?

Jake-And he told me that he wants me to join his 'pack'

Bella-And…

Jake-I'm assuming that's short for package.

Bella-Ew.

--

**A/N-Next is the idea from Chi-the last two pages of breaking dawn…so if you haven't read it yet…I presume that you wouldn't understand half this fanfic….lol**

**Idk when the next chapter will be up**

**Reviews help**

**Later!**


	23. What I Really Felt

**Yay reviews**

**I'm pretty sure I only got 3**

**I could always count on Chi for one! Thank you!**

**And she was the one who thought of this idea as well!**

**This takes place at the last 2 pages of Breaking Dawn if anyone was wondering..**

**What I Really Felt-**

Bella-Wanna read my mind?

Edward-I don't really care.

Bella-Fine.

Edward-Okay, damn stop nagging!

-Bella let's Edward read her mind-

Edward-Wow.

Bella-Yes, that's how much I love you.

Edward-You love me as much as Jacob?

Bella-Yup.

Edward-You bitch!

Bella-At least you know the truth.

Edward-True.

Bella-Don't worry Edward, we still have forever.

Edward-Actually the book ends in like one more paragraph…

Bella-Crap.

**--**

**A/N-Wow this was really short but it was only like two pages and I usually work on a whole chapter from one of the books.**

**But that doesn't mean this is the end of this fanfic I'm still gonna post more chapters!**

**This one was just delayed cuz I'm working like all this week and start school next wednesday ugh**

**I'm only 16 I shouldn't have to work this much!**

**REVIEWS HELP eh hem**


	24. Denial

**Wow.**

**I haven't updated in about…like a month!**

**I'm so sorry.**

**Especially to Chi Cullen since I know she loved my story.**

**I've just been so busy with my other story called Irresistible.**

**So, I'll add another chapter now and if you guys have more ideas, I'll surely do them.**

**This next scene takes place when Jake tries to find another girl in breaking dawn when Bella's sick and he knows there's no hope for them and he'll never stop loving her.**

**Denial-**

-Jacob passes random girls at a concert in the park and tries to find everything wrong about them-

Jake-Not tall enough.

Jake-Not skinny enough.

Jake-Not pregnant enough.

Jake-Not annoying enough.

Jake-Not pale enough.

Jake-Not ugly enough.

-He finally finds a girl who resembles Bella-

Jake-Hi.

Bella clone-Hi.

Jake-You remind me of Bella.

Bella clone-Who…

Jake-The love of my life.

Bella clone-Okay then…

-awkwardddd-

Jake-What's your name so I can obsess over you when Bella dies?

Bella clone-Cindy.

Jake-Cindy…

-He widens his eyes thinking of the possibilities…-

Cindy-I like cars.

Jake-Damn, You ruined it. Bella knows nothing about cars. You're dead in my book bitch. Get out of my sight.

Cindy-What the fudge?

Jake-SHE HATES FUDGE TOO!

-Cindy backs away slowly then makes a run for it-

--

**A/N-Haha. Random. But that's usually how my chapters are.**

**Again, I'm terribly sorry I left everyone in the dark for so long.**


	25. Okay, we get it

**Laadeedaa.**

**This chapter is sort of making fun of other fanfics (including my own, although I try not to make mine like this)**

**I just find that most of them are all the same at some parts and it annoys me cuz I read so many.**

**Please don't let this offend anyone. Cuz we all did something like this. I just over emphasize it. :)**

**Oh and thanks for reviews!**

**Btw this isn't conversation at all. Just Bella's thoughts.**

**This may be a repeat of the first day of school but it's different instances…so yea.**

**Enjoy!**

**Okay, we get it-**

_Bella's thoughts telling us about her life/a.k.a. her first day at school_-I came to Forks when my mom shoved me here. Literally. She's pretty strong…Anyway…back to my miserable life. Did I mention how miserable I am? And bored. I bet I'll be pretty bored here…in Forks. I bet there won't be a hot new vampire to capture my interest. AND I probably won't fall in love with him. What are the chances of _that _happening? SLIM TO NONE…THAT'S what they are!

My first day at Forks high was…well VERY unpredictable.

I went to my first period class and those other classes…and some more classes. THEN I got to Chemistry…or was it Biology? Whatever. Anyway I got to the science room place…keeping my business…where I saw HIM. Edward Cullen. Oh wait, crap…I forgot to mention that I saw him at lunch before that.

Okay, so I was in lunch…keeping my business…when I saw HIM. Edward Cullen. Damnn. He was sexy. He would NEVER want me. That's so depressing. Wait, why was he staring at me? He doesn't like me, right? I mean, I'm just an average girl in this average world, being the best I can be. Wow, that was pretty random. By the way, I'm a bad liar. Did I mention that? I just thought it was important that I did.

So yeah, I stalked him a little by asking everyone every possible detail they knew about him. It helped.

Then I went to biology class. Omg! He was sitting next to an empty seat. What are the chances of THAT happening?

I sat down and he didn't move.

OMG! What's his problem? Why isn't he moving? SOMETHING must be wrong with him! Maybe…maybe he's a VAMPIRE!

Pshh...I was probably just being paranoid. And the way he just sucked the blood out of Jessica's throat TOTALLY doesn't mean he's a vampire.

He randomly pressed his index finger against my bare arm.

OMG! There was an electric shock go through me! I bet he felt it too because he was…still not moving. Okay, maybe he didn't feel it.

That's when I knew it. I knew I was in love with Edward Collins.

--

**A/N-Haha. I was cracking up while writing this. And YES I messed up on his last name on purpose. It's just to prove that she fell in love with him so fast.**

**I hope this doesn't insult anyone. I have nothing against it. Or Stephanie Meyer.**

**Reviews are wonderful. So are ideas!**


	26. Oh! What a horror

**Sorry for the insanely long hiatus.**

**But I am back…from outer space! Haha sorry couldn't help it.**

**Anyway, if you would like to know more about my disappearance then just PM me and I'll gladly explain.**

**So…just noticed that I didn't have a chapter on the Twilight movie. Gasp! It was terrible…no offense to those of you who liked it. It had good parts…ok PART. Which was the baseball scene…and maybe the makeout scene except for the end when he looked like he was about to rape her.**

**Btw, I'm not gonna mark Kristen Stewart as Bella. Just Kristen. Edward is Rob Pattinson considering this isn't the book. Kind of like the chapter when they were on the set of the Twilight movie. But since I don't know everyone else's name-such as Jessica's-in real life-she'll just be Jessica…so yea.**

**On with the show. Or movie…**

**Oh! What a horror-**

Kristen Stewart-Who's that sexy boy?

Jessica-Hehe what?

Kristen-Aren't you supposed to have curly hair?

Jessica-Aren't you supposed to have straight teeth?

Kristen-Uhm…my teeth are perfect, bitch.

Jessica-Yea…maybe if you would close your mouth once in a while we wouldn't be able to see them.

Kristen-Okay. So, who is the sexy, mysterious British boy again?

Jessica-That's Cedric. I mean Rob. I mean Edward. And he's not British.

Kristen-What is he then?

Jessica-A vampire, you dipshit. Didn't you read the book?

Kristen-Uh…was I supposed to…?

Jessica-Dumb bitch.

Kristen-Why does the blonde one look like he's in pain?

Jessica-He thinks you smell like ass.

Kristen-Oh. The pixie's hot.

Jessica-Nah. Rosalie's way hotter.

Movie director-You guys are straight in this movie, by the way.

Kristen-Boring.

-In Biology-

Kristen-Oh, look a fan! Let me go stand in front of it while tying my shoe.

-Rob makes a gagging face-

Kristen-Lalalala. Let's go sit next to the vampire. Hey there! What's your name?

-Rob stares at her disgustingly and shivers a bit.-

Kristen-ANSWER ME BITCH!

Rob-Damn. What crawled up your ass?

Kristen-Are you seriously asking me about the weather?

Rob-We didn't get to that part yet, you tard.

Kristen-Oh. So…do you want to like suck my blood or something?

Rob-Who told you I was a vampire?

Kristen-Why should I tell you…

Rob-TELL ME NOW, YOU CUNT.

Kristen-Fine it was the brunette slut. Jocelyn or something.

Rob-You don't remember her name?

Kristen-Nah. I suck at remembering lines.

Rob-Yea, same here. What are we supposed to do now?

Kristen-Well there's a microscope, so…I think this is the part where we make-out.

Rob-Sweet.

--

**A/N-I'll continue with the twilight movie because there were too many funny parts to put into one chapter. Haha.**

**Review if you would like.**

**They still make me happy.**

**I adore you all.**


	27. Not Quite A New Moon

**The time has come.**

**I am random. Spontaneous, perhaps.**

**However, dedicated I am not.**

**Sad to some, others not. Some are content with my carelessness for miniscule priorities.**

**Don't sit back and relax, the ride isn't too long.**

**And although I haven't mentioned the weirdness of my mood/myself, it should be obvious by my text.**

**Enjoy?**

**Yes, why not.**

**Enjoy.**

**--**

**Not quite a New Moon**

Bella: There's ANOTHER movie about me? Do I get to act in this one?

Kristen: Uh, no. You don't get to act in any of them, idiot. I'M the actress. Even though I can't act, I'm still the actress.

Director: Let's go, Kristen! We need to finish this movie fast so Rob doesn't age too much.

-they get in position and the cameras start rolling-

Rob: I'm leaving you.

Kristen: What? Why? I just gave you my virginity!

Rob: That's not until the fourth book.

Kristen: Oh. Okay. So, wait. Why are you leaving again?

Rob: I don't want you and stuff. It's not you it's me. I don't know. Whatever will get you the hell off of me. Clingy bitch.

Kristen: Damn. Coulda just asked..JACOB!!

-Taylor Lautner shows up in a millisecond because he mysteriously happened to be running through the woods right next to them.-

Taylor: Sup.

Kristen: Uh...Edward left me. I'm all sad and might cut my wrists.

Taylor: Wanna borrow my razor?

Kristen: I was joking.

Taylor: I could do it for you.

Kristen: I was joking, you dumb shit. I just want to hold you so I can feel your big biceps.

Taylor: My biceps don't come until I become a werewolf.

Kristen: Oh, when's that?

Taylor: Next scene.

Kristen: Oh……..Awkward…..

-Kristen stares at Taylor with her mouth open for 12 minutes.-

Taylor: Stop looking at me like that, freak. You look like a pedophile.

Kristen: I'll stop.

Taylor: You ARE a pedophile. You're eighteen. I'm sixteen.

-Kristen tries to run but fails and ends up falling 39 times. She comes home with multiple bruises and scratches all over her body.-

Charlie: Bella, what did I tell you about rough sex with vampires out in the woods?

Kristen: Vampire? What on earth are you talking about?

Charlie: Don't act like I don't know about the vampire you've been dating.

Kristen: He just broke up with me.

Charlie: Shit. That means I have to see your ugly face more often. Now go make me dinner, Oprah is coming on.

Kristen: I thought you liked to watch sports…

Charlie: Hell no, chica. Oprah is my main girl!

-Charlie snaps his wrists in a faggoty fashion and pulls out a vogue magazine.-

Kristen: Faggot.

Charlie: Slut.

Kristen: I'm gonna go write fake emails to Alice even though that never happens in the book.

--

Dear Alice,

I don't know what to do. Every time I sleep, I make weird noises and my dad thinks I'm either constipated or having an orgasm. Know how I can get rid of it? Thanks.

Bella (It's not really Bella, it's Kristen)

**Your email has been sent back to its owner, due to the non-existence of this email address, you idiot.**

--

-at Taylor's house-

Kristen: Jake, I want to hear voices, will you help me fix these motorcycles?

Taylor: Will you pretend to like me?

Kristen: Bitch, please. I like my men cold, dead, and sparkling.

Taylor: I'm hot, alive, and unsparkling.

Kristen: I'll take it.

-Kristen and Taylor finish the bikes-

Kristen: Let's do this!

Taylor: Let's bring the bikes up by the cliff so you have more of a chance of dying.

Kristen: Kay.

-At the cliff.-

Kristen: How do I start it?

Taylor: I don't know. Push some buttons and turn some knobs.

-Kristen rides the motorcycle professionally.-

Rob's voice: Go faster.

Kristen: Uhh, I'm pretty sure you tell me to stop.

Rob's voice: Why would I want you to survive?

Kristen: Oh. What should I do now?

Rob's voice: Aim towards the cliff.

Kristen: Kay.

-Kristen is about to fly off the cliff, but the motorcycle mysteriously drifts to the side.-

Rob's voice: Shit.

-Taylor runs over to Kristen and removes his shirt in slow motion.-

Kristen: Nice 8 pack.

Jacob: Thanks, it's all I have to offer for this movie.

-flexes-

Kristen: All I have to offer is…is…

-Jacob coughs awkwardly and they both look off into different directions.-

Kristen: Asshole.

Jacob: Truth hurts, bitch.

--

**Until we meet again.**

**One more thing to take with you.**

**Mer.**

**=D**


End file.
